One Year

Dear Pa

One year ago, you took your last breath.

I forgot that it had been a year until Mama sent me an SMS today.
"Your father's anniversary. Just thank the Lord for him and the best is no more pain, but in heaven with God and your grandparents."

You see, its a lot less painful to mark the days imagining that you're still with us than count the days that you aren't.

There is something I do, which is to enter my old email archives and look at the emails you used to send me. I have never deleted them. Nestled between the other emails are the emails from Eugene Chan.

I have 3 emails from you attaching photographs you took of Shane when he was six months old. Your grandson is now two years and eight months old.

I do this quite often - opening up your emails and looking at the photos you sent me.

I suspend the reality and imagine that if I clicked 'Reply', I would find a way to reach you.