Back, 2 hours later

Went for a run yesterday at the beach. It wasn't a run for exercise. It was a run to 'run away'.

I brought Shane to the playground on Sunday. He fell from the monkey bar. Didn't seem serious. It was only when we got home that he started complaining of pain in his leg. I thought he pulled a muscle and asked him to rest but it got worse. I brought him to the children's emergency at KK on Monday. It was xrayed and doc says that there might be a hair line fracture in his femur although they can't really tell from the xrays whether there is a fracture. They put his leg in a cast and he can't walk for now.

Last sunday, I was also at children's emergency when Alix woke up very weak and with bad stomach pain. It was constipation and they gave her something to clear her system. After that cleared, another emergency visit from Shane.

But that's not the most upsetting thing. We've planned a family trip to tokyo last week of nov so that we can bring them to Disneyland. If Shane's leg is still in bad shape, he'll have to miss out on the trip.

By evening yesterday, I was a miserable mom. Shane was very frustrated that he couldn't walk. While guilt wracked about whether i should go out for a run with my son's leg immobilized in a cast, I knew if I stayed in, I would explode. So I put on the cartoon channel, told Grace that I had to go out for a while and ran out in the direction of the beach. It was after the rain so it was really cool outside. It was one of the most loveliest nights I experienced, for running. I got back 2 hours later. My shoulders which were stiff before the run, eased up.

Shane was still cranky by the time I got home and like he was a baby again, there were no words that I could use to cheer him up. The run had calmed me down so that I could nurture him with a touch...a gentle head massage which did the trick in getting him to sleep. And all I could do was send a prayer up that somehow this little boy would be well enough for Disneyland by the end of the week.

mango sticky sticky rice

The husband and I spent the last 4 days in Bangkok. It was our first trip since the crayolas arrived in our lives. Our last trip, just 2 of us was in 2001. 8 years ago.

We did the usual Bangkok things. Shop, Thai massage, explore the poky lanes and buy cheap stuff. Didn't have to break the exercise routine coz there was a rocking swimming pool and gym in the hotel.

We had a night out with a Thai friend who showed us their home and way of life. In Bangkok, babies as young as 10 months old travel in the driver's seat. No seat belt. No car seat. The baby's mom even breastfed her kid while driving at the same time!


Anything goes in Bangkok. That's why its so refreshing.

Also I forgot how fun it is to get away. Just the 2 of us.

First Sprint Tri

Any person. Any age. Any fitness level. And a bike crash.

A year ago, I couldn't run more than 2 rounds of a track, swim more than 2 laps of a pool without stopping and cycling to me, was renting a bike at the east coast park.

No one understood why I wanted to do it. I couldn't explain it too. But I had thrown myself so completely outside of my comfort zone the past year, it didn't matter anymore.

I loaded up the car.

Turned up at the race.

And CRASHED.

It was the turning before the second loop of the bike route. I crashed on the bike taking the turn too quickly and landed on my helmet. My face and stomach hit a branch. My neck was sprained badly and I struggled to get up. The bike chain came off. A crowd gathered to see if I was ok and a guy helped me put back the bike chain. They asked me if I was ok? If I needed first aid? I was pretty dazed but found myself asking if the bike was ok? Could I stil ride it? They said yeah you can still ride it and I said I want to go on. As I wobbled up on the bike, the crowd which gathered around started to clap.


I didn't realise how bad I looked until I finished the race and people started looking at me sympathetically and offering me tissues and water. It was only when I looked at the car mirror that I realised my face was entirely streaked with mud and swollen from the fall. From the way I looked you would've guessed I did an adventure race through a jungle and fought a crocodile!

I didn't want to fall...it was my worst fear realised. The lowest low of my physical and mental limitations but if you had to ask me what the last year has been like and how it has changed me, this would've been the defining moment. The old Carrie would've quit but in trying and trying so hard the last year, I had rehearsed this a hundred times before. Falling down, picking myself up.

So when it came down to it, I knew what I had to do after the crash.

Dust the dirt off. No bones broken? Keep going.

First 21

Made it there just on time at 530. Started the first 1 or 2 km by following the pace of this girl who looked like she knew what she was doing but lost her on the incline at Sheares Bridge....By that time, i was thinking should I U turn? But it was too late! And there seemed to be no practical u turn points.

I had some sort of strategy to jog 9 minutes and walk 1 minute but the adrenaline of being with the crowd and the route march sounds of the pounding feet kept me going. I started walking a bit more after 10k. The U turn at East Coast Park seemed like it would never arrive but I saw the sun rise over the orangey tinted clouds....which was quite a beautiful sight.

Thought i would want to pee at the toilet stops at East Coast but by then, the urge to pee stopped. Has that happened to you? Want to pee, but lose that need to pee after you've sweated.

There was this guy who cut across my path suddenly causing me to trip and almost fall. Wanted to #$%^! at him but he ran off and I had no energy to yell at him.

The GOOD : It was quite well organised - I liked the stilt walkers and the drums. I tried to pysche myself that I was running and watching a street carnival. There were enough water stops and I had half a banana to eat at some point.

The BAD: sweaty army boys. Taking mrt home smelling like sweaty army boy.

The UGLY: There were some serious female runners I think who were aiming to run a fast 10k. They would CLAP very loudly if anyone got in their path and shove people aside. Very ugly.

What I found out about myself: I am a complete sucker for torture and pain! My legs felt like a ton after 15 km. But I sorta kept shuffling

Towards the last turn, with whatever i had, I tried to burst into a sprint. V tired but still pretend to finish strong.

Time 2:46

Going halfway

Ok I've got the running bib for the ancient women's category and I will be flagging off at 5.30 am with a lot of sweaty army boys. The route starts at the Padang, down sheares bridge, to east coast park and back to the Padang.

To clear all thoughts from your mind that I am completely out of my mind, I give to you, the one reason why running has totally rocked my world.

After 11 months of doing this, I am 15 kgs lighter. 5 kgs is what a bag of rice weighs. Imagine the joy of movement on a frame which no longer carries those 3 bags of rice.

Will be taking it really slow by slow. Jog, walk and aim to enjoy and complete it. If I feel ill, I can always u turn. The way i see it, whether or not I complete, this the furthest I've ever got with moving my lazy ass.

No one asked me to do this. Its going to be really hard going and every step will be a fight against the urge to quit. But I'll be doing this for the fat girl, that I know so well:
- who signed up for her first 10 k 11 months ago,
- who embraced her size XL arms in an adidas clima cool running tank top,
- who had absolutely no idea how she would complete the distance.

And I can't quit on her now.