Sunday, March 25, 2007

fierce moment

Alix is the light child of a plump mom. I've tried everything to coax her into eating more but she will eat only bird sized portions. She won't guzzle formula milk too. The only thing she will consume voraciously is breastmilk.

I don't even think that I have very much left of it but when I am with her, we do this a lot. Sitting on the sofa, she sits on my lap issuing her demand "I want to drink nilp". Then she will proceed to chomp on what I imagine to be dry pulpy remains of sugar cane which has undergone too many rotations of the roller which squeezes it for juice. And what remains are just the dregs and the very last few drops.

At 2 years and three months, I think that it is high time to wean her off. But everytime I come back from work the combination of a) missing her so badly and b) knowing that she will probably be the last baby that I will have, makes it hard for me to refuse.

I've tried asking several mothers. This is what they advise:

a) Use reasoning. Tell them that it is only for babies and they are not a baby anymore.
b) Go somewhere else for 14 days. Somewhere far away where you can't hear her cries and she can't look for you.
c) Apply salt.

So far, I've tried method a. Method b and c are pending.


I found out a week ago that Alix had HFMD. She told us herself "my mouth pain". When I looked inside I saw an ulcer at the side of her mouth. As more and more ulcers developed, she totally refused to eat her solids.

The only nutrition that I could deliver to her was through the petrified remains of the sugercane. And as she chomped away, I banished all thoughts of ever stopping this.

This was that fierce moment again. The first time she rooted when she was a newborn.

Every mother who ever lived has faced that fierce moment when a baby turns its milky mouth to her breast and she knows she is all it has.

Nobody tells you that motherhood is this hard, or you'd probably jump off a bridge. Nobody tells you how all consuming it is to be a mother - how reading goes out of the window and thinking too. - Erica Jong

I don't know if it is her or me. But at the rate we are going and as long as I don't keep a log of time, we'll probably be going on like this until she hits 30.


Anonymous sesame said...

It's the maternal instinct. If I were in your shoes, I'll probably do the same. No mom wants their kids to go hungry or be without nutrition.

And very funny you call yours a sugarcane.

12:04 AM  
Blogger carrie said...

Sesame - So hard getting her to eat more and weaning her off sugercane. Hope gavin doesn't have feeding issues.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous ivan said...

*hint* Eating asparagus causes all bodily fluids to be bitter and foul-smelling.

4:08 AM  
Blogger carrie said...

Thanks ivan. I'll be getting my greens too :)

3:34 PM  

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