5 and 3

The crayolas turned 5 and 3 this week. Their birthdays follow a day after each other. The only reason they do not share the same birthdate is that our obgyn didn't want to conduct a csection on a Sunday in 2005.

In the time it took to conduct 2 emergency c sections (ie 1 hr), we whizzed into their classrooms bringing cake and goodie bags. As they cut their cakes, I recalled the slice which brought them into the world. Seeing them grow never ceases to amaze me. I purposely stood away as they cut their cakes - no longer attached to the umbilicus - they are autonomously - human beings in their own right. Capable of independent thought and action.

Seeing the cute faces and happy expressions of their classmates made me want to barf with the sentimentality of it all, because I am switching preschools in 2 weeks time after 5 years in the present one. The crayolas don't know it yet. Like all changes that are introduced into their lives, this is not their call. Its mine. There is the uncertaintyventuring into this unknown. Wondering whether you're really doing the right thing for them and hoping against wrecking their lives in the process.

The past few weeks have been a conflict of emotions. I've been asked to go overseas for 5 nights as part of training. I said yes but as the day approaches, i feel like barfing again. I can't bear being apart from the crayolas. Part of me, still wants to transplant them back into my stomach again. One day, they will slice away all dependance on me. But right now, 5 nights away from them feels like a csection all over again. A major surgical procedure and painful one.