not dead
My last thought turning into the ECP was I am going to a hari raya lunch and I am not bringing a present for the host. My last words to the crayolas were I'm going out but I will come back and look for you.
The morning started ordinarily enough. Playing the guitar. Watching tv. Watching the poster paint dry on the pieces of drawing block. Green. Yellow. Blue. When all combined, they are the colour of autumn leaves. Trying to get them to finish their lunch. Just one more spoon of noodles ok?
I just got into the car when G called to get him from the airport. The timing was perfect. I would pick him up then we would go for lunch together. Turning onto the ECP, I tried to turn on the radio but gave up with fiddling with the knobs, turned up the AC because it was hot afternoon and stepped on the accelerator. It was a simple drive. Straight, no traffic lights and in less than15 mins I would reach the airport.
Because I'm not a fast driver, I took the middle lane. The rest of the journey is a blank recollection. Lulled by the sun, the quietness of the car and the AC burring at me, this is what happened. I dozed off - at the wheel.
The thing which saved my life, which woke me up was the rumble strip installed by LTA. I was jolted awake by the loud BRRR sound.
Rumble strips are grooves or rows of raised pavement markers placed perpendicular to the direction of travel to alert inattentive drivers. As a vehicle passes over the rumble strips, noise and vibration are produced, alerting the driver they are approaching a hazard.
From the middle lane, the car had veered to the rightmost lane. In that split second before I met fatality or the-end, I jerked my steering well to the left. Crunch! The right hand side of the car impacted the metal divider and I barely scraped away alive...I looked at my mirrors. There were cars behind me. I couldn't stop so I continued to drive on.
At the airport, G walked towards me smiling. It could have been a lot different. He asked me whether someone scraped the car. I give him the car keys and wobbily shifted myself to the passenger side "I'll tell you later, but i nearly died". I repeated it several times. I nearly died. Nearly died. G kept a calm and reassuring hand on my lap. His hand felt warm against the layer of cold sweat which had settled on my skin.
The rest of the afternoon continued in a blur - hari raya goodies, warm tea which my friend made for me to calm me down. I admired her new plasma tv then felt ashamed at how, i was hankering again after a new TV. We do all these things. Build our castles. Accumulate our possessions. Distract ourselves with media and pretty things. The vanity of all the things we do to preserve our physical selves. And all it takes is one crash.
I thought about the rumble strip. About the amazing guy who invented it. I wanted him to know that he saved my life with this simple invention. I wanted go on my knees and kiss the entire length of rumble strips along the ECP as well as the LTA. God was that you? You, who mercifully knew that I was unprepared to meet you and sent angels to save me?
When I got home, the enormity of returning to a life which could have ended in an instant, made me feel like a ghost returning to a life that didn't belong to me.
And I can't really get over it.
The morning started ordinarily enough. Playing the guitar. Watching tv. Watching the poster paint dry on the pieces of drawing block. Green. Yellow. Blue. When all combined, they are the colour of autumn leaves. Trying to get them to finish their lunch. Just one more spoon of noodles ok?
I just got into the car when G called to get him from the airport. The timing was perfect. I would pick him up then we would go for lunch together. Turning onto the ECP, I tried to turn on the radio but gave up with fiddling with the knobs, turned up the AC because it was hot afternoon and stepped on the accelerator. It was a simple drive. Straight, no traffic lights and in less than15 mins I would reach the airport.
Because I'm not a fast driver, I took the middle lane. The rest of the journey is a blank recollection. Lulled by the sun, the quietness of the car and the AC burring at me, this is what happened. I dozed off - at the wheel.
The thing which saved my life, which woke me up was the rumble strip installed by LTA. I was jolted awake by the loud BRRR sound.
Rumble strips are grooves or rows of raised pavement markers placed perpendicular to the direction of travel to alert inattentive drivers. As a vehicle passes over the rumble strips, noise and vibration are produced, alerting the driver they are approaching a hazard.
From the middle lane, the car had veered to the rightmost lane. In that split second before I met fatality or the-end, I jerked my steering well to the left. Crunch! The right hand side of the car impacted the metal divider and I barely scraped away alive...I looked at my mirrors. There were cars behind me. I couldn't stop so I continued to drive on.
At the airport, G walked towards me smiling. It could have been a lot different. He asked me whether someone scraped the car. I give him the car keys and wobbily shifted myself to the passenger side "I'll tell you later, but i nearly died". I repeated it several times. I nearly died. Nearly died. G kept a calm and reassuring hand on my lap. His hand felt warm against the layer of cold sweat which had settled on my skin.
The rest of the afternoon continued in a blur - hari raya goodies, warm tea which my friend made for me to calm me down. I admired her new plasma tv then felt ashamed at how, i was hankering again after a new TV. We do all these things. Build our castles. Accumulate our possessions. Distract ourselves with media and pretty things. The vanity of all the things we do to preserve our physical selves. And all it takes is one crash.
I thought about the rumble strip. About the amazing guy who invented it. I wanted him to know that he saved my life with this simple invention. I wanted go on my knees and kiss the entire length of rumble strips along the ECP as well as the LTA. God was that you? You, who mercifully knew that I was unprepared to meet you and sent angels to save me?
When I got home, the enormity of returning to a life which could have ended in an instant, made me feel like a ghost returning to a life that didn't belong to me.
And I can't really get over it.
posted by Carrie at 5:38 PM
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