Dear cable provider

You know who you are because you hold the monopoly of cable provision in Singapore.

This may be a little early but all I want for Christmas is CABLE.

I’ve been asking for this since 2002, first politely:
“please, we wish to request for cable”

You said that it was not cost feasible and that I would have to wait indefinitely. It has been 3 long years now without cable.

3 long years without crystal clarity of tv reception. In case you've forgotten what its like to rely on those rabbit ear antenna things, this is what I live with:

a) Only free to air channels.
b) Shadowy fuzzy images.
c) When the wind blows, reception gets cut off.

Lately, I’ve been getting increasingly desperate with my appeals. You have heard me rant like a cable deprived psychopath. You may have even started to avoid my calls.

“Do you know what it is like to live without the children’s channel!? To be THAT mom who has to perpetually entertain her kids with wholesome activity instead of plonking them in front of the tv?”

I hardly watch TV now but that isn't the point. I've started to fight for something and I can't stop now.

You see, all I want for Christmas is cable.

The best antidote for working mother guilt is to spend some solo time with your kids over the weekend. Then, you can see all their 'patterns' and understand why you CAN'T STAND to be with them all the time.

Oh yeah shane,

Climb on your sister's diapered butt with your diapered butt just as she starts to crawl and go "yee hah! yee hah!".

Demand to be bought a spongebob battery lantern and diss that in favour of the traditional paper lanterns because hey, a chance to play with FIRE!

Refuse to eat dinner at grandma's in favour of yen yen biscuits. Now everyone knows I feed you junk.

Defy attempts to potty train you by throwing all your blocks into the pot and refuse to sit on it because hey, its a pot and that's where you cook!

Little cactus

Today, a friend come by to give some landscaping advice to the empty concrete deck in my home which is bereft of plantings. We had a good long discussion on what it means to have greenery in your home. Why its important to live with nature and what nature has to teach you.

I realised this when I was studying abroad and kept a lone cactus in my room. It was very small and was of some source of comfort when i felt more down than usual. I can't remember the last of it. I must have moved, left it somewhere or decided against bringing it back with me to Singapore.

But the memory of it is deeply etched, by this little ditty.

Little cactus
plump and green
please dont die on me

I've had you for two years now
water you every week

three inches tall
bravest plant that lives inside a pot
you'd agree its the sweet thing
that you've ever seen

solitude madness love abandonment
you've endured it all
that's why i think you're tops
you live whateve it is
it is
it is

Not Doing Right

Your are too young, will not understand or have a voice to protest when I tell you this.

Your mother is relying on the kindness of others to raise both of you. This is a kind way of expressing the current situation. For most of the day, you are left in the care of people who perform this role because they are paid money.

This is also known as
"Daycare"
"Leaving it to the maid"
"Subcontracting the work of motherhood"
"Outsourcing to professionals"
"Throwing money at the problem"
"Not doing right by your child"

Call it what you will, your mother is not fulfilling her full time duty
because, because, because

She works

That's a nice simple explanation eh?
Except that its not.

She tucks you into bed at night
and leaves before you awake
Its only for the day, she says
the tears stream down your face

You ask if you can "go to work"
you dont know what that means
In turn she goes to work
without knowledge
without feeling
without seeing
your daily coordinates

What made you laugh
what made you cry
what new things did you do today?
Was that a dragonfly your teacher showed you?
Yes, a caterpillar becomes a butterfly
Planes fly up up !
How did you learn that blue is blue
and orange is orange?

Each day is a reunion
The magic time is seven
there is so much that she wants to catch up on
So little that you can say

10 Reasons

this blog makes for BORING content:

1. Not bad-ass enough to swear on the world wide web
2. No drunken binges and sexploits to speak of
3. No babelicious photo of myself
4. No trash talking about the job because i love it. Really
5. No mouth watering pictures of food because my first impulse is to eat and not whip out a camera
6. No recipes to share because I don't cook
7. Mothering is my main preoccupation aside from watching home improvement programmes and the news at nine thirty
8. Ok, I don't get out much
9. The biggest challenge I'm facing right now is how to get cable tv
10. I'l probably go on and on about living in the 1980's

More on my zero hit blog

Mich : What's new?
Me: Urmph, started a blog.
Mich: Huh, you're so free?
Me: Yah its easy, its like emailing yourself!

The zero hit blog I work hard at

I started this blog to practice writing and now that i'm writing more than I otherwise would, I'm happy.

Welcome to my party of one.

How to Pull at a Party

Alix, all of eight months went to a chi chi vietnamese themed house party on sunday.

She charmed with the following antics:

Show interest. Look at someone with your most intense stare, smile shyly and coo when they stare back at you.

Balance on their lap and grind your butt only ever so lightly.

Its ok if you drool over them.

Its ok if you can't hold your drink.
Fall asleep on their sofa and cry in helplessness when you awake.

I love you even though you hurt me (and why I must keep my glasses on)

In marriage, couples inflict deep and lasting wounds on each other through unresolved conflict, distrust, contempt, hate and anger.

But none run deeper than the the wounds I inflict on my husband in the deep of the night...delivering a milk bottle to Shane(without my glasses on).

Sorry boo, for:

a) Crushing your hand
b) Scalding your neck
c) Maiming your foot

(That's what you get for leaving night feeds to me)

On Air

I was on Chinese radio on Friday evening. No kidding, station 95.8 at 6.45 pm!

On Gary's birthday on the 4th of May, he brought me to Harvey Norman's not to get himself a birthday present but to get me a gift for mother's day. (Aw, isnt he a sweetie?)

He bought a digital camera and heckled the saleswoman for a free gift. Keen to close on the purchase, the saleswoman offered us a lucky draw coupon in lieu of a free gift. You know, a chance to win something!

I filled up the lucky draw coupon and promptly forgot about it. That was, until Friday evening when I received the call from the radio deejay speaking in CHINESE.

My first reaction was annoyance. If someone calls you out of the blue and offers you something, then it must be a sales gimmick.

Are you trying to sell me a time share? The cheek of you to sound so confident when you're trying to sell me a time share!

Annoyance turned to curiosity:

You really are a radio deejay? My name was picked? Oh...I get it.

From my limited understanding, I gathered that she wanted me to take part in a contest for harvey norman vouchers on CHINESE NATIONAL RADIO.

I blubbered...I cant speak chinese well, let alone on NATIONAL RADIO to listeners who will KNOW.

Anyway, the radio deejay coached me. Just say this "I don't want to participate in the contest. I just want the money. And oh yes, please try to sound happy and excited."

Ok I can do that. Non-participation in the contest garners a 20 dollar harvey norman voucher. Rolling to to a larger amount would require answering further questions, and I would'nt attempt that. I can be that chicken hearted, voucher grabbing Singaporean on national radio.

They called me at the appointed time. After a while, I was on air. This was supposed to be a no-sweat affair, but I was sweating.

"So when did you visit Harvey Norman?"

I was so nervous, I blurted not in Chinese, but in English "August".

The deejay got the picture. Cut to where they invite me to take part in the contest. In my best chicken voice, I declared for the benefit of all on national radio

"I don't want to participate. I just want the money."

For all that embarassment, a 20 dollar harvey norman voucher is coming my way.

One Year

Dear Pa

One year ago, you took your last breath.

I forgot that it had been a year until Mama sent me an SMS today.
"Your father's anniversary. Just thank the Lord for him and the best is no more pain, but in heaven with God and your grandparents."

You see, its a lot less painful to mark the days imagining that you're still with us than count the days that you aren't.

There is something I do, which is to enter my old email archives and look at the emails you used to send me. I have never deleted them. Nestled between the other emails are the emails from Eugene Chan.

I have 3 emails from you attaching photographs you took of Shane when he was six months old. Your grandson is now two years and eight months old.

I do this quite often - opening up your emails and looking at the photos you sent me.

I suspend the reality and imagine that if I clicked 'Reply', I would find a way to reach you.